EPISODE #2: (One really stupid way to try to leave your lover [or husband])

After returning from the Atlanta area to our hometown to live, the marriage to my first husband began to fall apart. It was really going from bad to worse over time, and I wanted it to work, but I seemed to be the only one working it. He wanted to remain married, but he did not appear to want to put in any effort towards making the marriage work, much less flourish. He was content to stay married, and stay miserable. I hated the idea of divorce, but I also hated the idea of living with him as the marriage was at that time.

Now, I think I’ve mentioned before, and maybe you’ve picked up from prior posts, that I am a bit of a drama queen. So it should come as no surprise what I tried to do. I had recently watched a Lifetime network movie where someone had amnesia. It was interesting, and I’ve always been fascinated by the workings and intricacies of the human mind. So this movie was running around in my head for a few days when I went to pick up my husband after work one evening (we only had one car at the time). I was a little late picking him up and he was royally PO’d. Royally. I show up and he’s got his A-hole attitude ON! We get in an argument and he refuses to get in the car with me, so I take off. I was about a quarter of a mile away, even less than that, when on of my tires has a blow out. BAM! I hit a tree and wreck the car! Hubby saw the whole thing happen. I hit my head and face on the steering wheel when the accident happened and was kinda hurt, but not badly, as I was in a mall parking lot, and wasn't going very fast at all. I got out of the car and saw hubby running towards me, and even from a distance, I could see he was more mad than worried about how I was. So I thought to myself, “jeez, what a jerk! I wish I’d never met him.” And then: Bingo! An idea popped into my head. I decided to have amnesia, just like that movie I’d watched a few nights earlier.

So hubby jogs up to me, and I am dazed and disoriented and confused. He asks if I’m alright. I ask, “What happened?” He tells me he doesn’t know, he just saw me run the car into that tree over there, and why the hell did I do that? What the hell was I thinking? What kind of idiot am I? And on and on and on. I was getting PO’d at him for his ‘tude, but I had to remain quick on my feet and not blow my chance here. So I just kept up the confused act, and then began throwing in, “who are you?” At first he didn’t buy it. But the more I played it out, the more he began to get worried that I really did not know who he was. He was torn between being mad at me for wrecking the car, and being worried about my apparent amnesia.

The mall security showed up, and they called the police. The police showed up, and I just kept up my charade. I had everyone going. The police were very concerned about me. They were trying to point out to my husband that from the angle of the car hitting the tree, the blown out tire was not caused BY the wreck; rather, it was a tire blow out that must have caused me to lose control of the car and therefore, hit the tree and wreck the car. But he was still angry, not entirely convinced that the wreck was not caused by my angrily driving off and leaving him standing there. So he was still pacing around, muttering and ticked off, and between that, and my act of who am I....what happened....can someone take me home...no, I don’t know who he is and I don’t want to go home with this angry man, the police would not let my husband take me home, which made him even angrier. I was not bleeding or in any real pain, and I was refusing medical treatment, even just a quick once-over by the EMTs.

So hubby finally had the bright idea of calling my parents, both of whom are RNs. They arrived, full of parental concern of course, and once I began thinking about it, and realizing I had to go somewhere, if I wasn’t going to go home with my husband, I “remembered” my parents. So I got in the car with them. Not only are my parents RNs, but you just can’t bull shit a bull shitter. I was upset and adamant about not needing to go to the hospital, insisting that I just wanted to go home with them. I was hoping they would just take me to their house for some chicken soup and TLC. WRONG! They started mumbling in the front seat about taking me to the hospital..and I remember this....they SPELLED OUT the word hospital....H.O.S.P.I.T.A.L. I was mad that they wouldn’t go along with my wishes (my charade), so I just hollered out from the back seat, “I have amnesia...I’m not illiterate!”

My game quickly deteriorated from there....especially with my momma. She just kept (rightfully) insisting that I needed to be checked out, just a quick once-over, and I knew that the hospital would find nothing wrong with my brain to account for my amnesia, other than youthful stupidity. And the one thing you don’t want to do, is piss off my momma. So I quickly had a series of flashbacks, crying and exclaiming, “oh, I remember, I remember...it’s all coming back to me, I remember”.

Well, Mom and Dad knew better, and hubby really did, too. He just didn’t want to admit he’d been duped even just a little bit. This was really the beginning of them realizing that my marriage was not working out. I stayed with them that night, and went back to my home with my hubby the next day....and we kept plugging away at the marriage a while longer. It was really a crappy thing to do on my part, I can admit that now. But at the time, I was only 21...old enough to know better, yes, I know....but it does make for some interesting blogging now, doesn’t it?